Sometime earlier this year, I was asked by a journalist to give a quote on the Paul McCartney divorce. Specifically, she wanted me to talk about prenuptial agreements. After an acrimonious separation from Paul McCartney, Heather Mills was awarded a settlement of almost $50 million in March this year. There is no better lesson in prenuptial agreements than the McCartney/Mills divorce, no matter where you are, what laws you're subject to or what country you live in.
Now there's Madonna and Guy Ritchie, which is going a different direction. This is turning into a parenting case. A brief search of the Madonna/Guy divorce comes up with quite a few articles. Some of them have suggested that the financial resolution has been quick (read: there was probably a prenuptial agreement), but the parenting agreements remain outstanding. Check out these articles on the topic:
Putting kids first in divorce: lessons from Madonna and Guy
Madge on Guy's boozing, sexist traits
When it comes to parenting, for the most part: no stone goes uncovered, no secret goes unrevealed and no dirt goes unthrown, no matter how much people think it won't happen. In most cases, all the allegations, misinterpretations and purposeful exaggerations are documented in public record. Your kids are going to know about them, at some point (and hopefully you aren't the one talking about them - it will be used against you). Your friends are going to know about them. Your future girlfriends and boyfriends are going to want to look them up for screening purposes. It's important to be prepared for the worst (i.e., that's my job) but at the same time, keep it out of court, if you can possibly help it. It's better for you....and most of all, it's better for the kids.
There are many ways to do this, whether it's collaborative law (see: King County Collaborative Law), mediation or some hybrid of the two. In dissolution actions, a settlement conference is required and, if you are willing to schedule far enough ahead and don't mind not choosing your mediator, you can often get access to a volunteer settlement conference master in King County, at no charge to you. All of these mediators have 10+ years experience, and some have formerly been pro tem judges.
Some of my hardest, most contentious cases have been resolved at these volunteer settlement conferences. While it's true both parties leave usually somewhat unsatisfied, that is the sign of a good mediation. Mediation is a long term investment, not a short term solution with instant gratification. It's not about winning and losing. It's about making compromises for your kids and choosing not to engage in litigation for the rest of your life, because even if you "win", a potential modification action is only a couple years away. And if you're able to make these compromises now, there's a good chance that you'll be able to grandparent together successfully, too. That's something to think about.
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